The above video sees me interviewing Jacob Sokol about his excellent new guide called Living on Purpose (more details at the bottom of the post). I love chatting with Jacob and checking out his blog because the guy absolutely oozes enthusiasm for life, and that shit’s contagious 😉
To keep the interview relatively short and sweet, I wanted to hone in on one specific section of Jacob’s guide, the part where he tackles the subject of worry. Listing a few of the key points here:
- Worry is a sneaky and subtle type of fear.
- Worry only takes place in future psychological time. It doesn’t actually exist. It’s ALL in your mind.
- Nothing good comes from worrying. Not only does it drain you mentally, but it often acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy and sends signals to your mind to make what you’re thinking about appear.
- The only cure for worry is to take action. Or, if it’s something you can’t control, the only sane thing to do is forget about it.
- Studies show that 90% of the things we worry about never happen anyway.
- Your fear is NEVER as scary as it seems. Action builds confidence and confidence kills fears.
- You’re gonna be all right.
My take on worry
I’m actually gonna disagree with Jacob a little on this.
I don’t believe worry to be an entirely bad thing. As Jacob notes in his guide, worry is a type of fear, but fear can sometimes serve us well. That apprehension and tightness often moves us out of harm’s way, or urges us to sneak a precautionary peek before we leap. For example, I’m pretty scared of getting gang raped in prison, and so I go out of my way to avoid criminal behavior and batting my eyelashes at horny gangs of big hairy men.
There is a line though, and once across it you find yourself living in slavery. No longer does your fear act as a signpost and provoke you to take courageous action. Instead, you find yourself stressed out and paralyzed, the fear owning you. You worry endlessly and no good comes of it. When you’re at that point, life pretty much sucks.
And here’s where I agree with Jacob completely: If you’re scared of something, taking action will always bring the fear down a few notches.
If you’re worried about losing your job, get busy building your skillset and developing a side-business to supplement your regular income. Then you won’t be so screwed when the layoffs hit.
If you’re worried about what that hot piece of ass will think of you, go talk to them and find out, then you’ll know for sure and can stop guessing. Go flirt with a thousand more hot asses and you’ll eventually develop an immunity to the first impressions of complete strangers. You’ll roll with the occasional rejection and keep your head held high.
See, worry is good when it inspires you to get up off your own hot ass and do something. But you can’t dwell on it; It shouldn’t take long for that worry to be transformed into action. Every second you wait is a waste of time and energy.
The things you can’t control
I like the serenity prayer that Alcoholics Anonymous uses (feel free to paraphrase the G-man out of it if he makes you uncomfortable):
“God, Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Sometimes we just have to accept that a situation is shit and that we’re not yet in a position to make it any less shitty. Worrying about such things does nothing but stress you out and make you less than your best while the inevitable happens anyway. Better to forget about it and focus your energy and attention within your circle of influence.
Lately, I find myself biting my fingernails. Again.
I had the habit all my life up until about three years ago, when I finally managed to quit. I was in New Orleans at the time, living my basketball dream, pretty settled, growing ever-more comfortable in my own skin. But now I’ve gone and pushed myself way out of my comfort zone with this whole self-employed vagabond lifestyle, one which I’m still working hard to make sustainable. So I worry, and the nailbiting appears to be the physical manifestation of that.
But it’s okay. I don’t believe I’ve crossed the line just yet. My worries are still working for me, and not the other way around. They keep me sharp and act as solid signposts. I feel strongly that I’m moving in the right direction, taking the right actions, getting a little more confident every day.
If you find yourself fretting, don’t beat yourself up about it. When you push step out of your comfort zone, you’re going to worry. The key is to know where to draw that line.
Recognize when your worry is working for you (helping you to stay on top of things), and when it’s holding you back (stressing you out and keeping you stuck). When you find yourself dealing with the latter, either take action, or let it go.
That’s the best you can do.
Living On Purpose (and my best offer ever)
Here’s the skinny on Jacob’s guide: It’s 150+ pages all about how to live your best life, written by a guy who’s been living his for some time now. To be completely up front with you, I haven’t even finished reading it yet. There’s so much good stuff in there, no filler, that I’m taking my time to go through it all properly.
Living on Purpose won’t be for everybody, but if you’re looking for a comprehensive guide that shows you the type of mindset you need to really thrive and enjoy the bejaysus out of your days, then you should check it out. Jacob’s gone the extra mile and provided audio and video versions of the guide, too, so you can absorb the material however you want.
But before I link it up, I want to sweeten this deal for you, o legendary Disrupting the Rabblement reader. I’m feeling mighty generous as I get ready to head to Cork for my cousin’s wedding, so if you go ahead and buy Living on Purpose via the affiliate link below, you’ll also get FREE lifetime access to my Course In Courage, PLUS a $47 discount off the base price of a $50 Blog. To avail of the goodness, all you need to do is forward along the email receipt from your purchase of Living on Purpose to himself [at] ndoherty [dot] com.
So yeah, that’s $94 of value I’m throwing in there. The offer will remain open until midnight GMT on Sunday (September 4th). Forward me that receipt before then and I’ll get you hooked you up. Oh, and if you have no real need for a $50 blog right now, I’d urge you not to cash in on that discount right away; Keep it in your back pocket and I’ll honor it at a later date, no expiration.
Sound good? Alright, have at that affiliate link…