by Niall Doherty

Back in my college years I had a huge crush on a girl in my social circle. She had a boyfriend, but one night we were out and getting along really well. At some point she whispered in my ear that we should go somewhere a little more private.

On the grounds that she had a boyfriend, I declined.

Wait, don’t consider me a saint just yet. I actually regretted that choice, and tried several times to hook up with that girl later on.

It was a conversation with a friend that flipped me. I told him that I’d turned this girl down, and why. He responded incredulously, “What business is it of yours if she has a boyfriend?”

Lately I’ve been thinking more about this, as I’ve had opportunities here in Thailand to get involved with women who already have husbands or boyfriends. It’s easy to convince myself that I’m not doing anything wrong by getting involved with such women, but I wonder if I’m just being too smart for my own good.

So I’d like to get your take on this: Is it wrong to get involved with someone who is already in a committed relationship, someone who’s going behind their partner’s back to get jiggy with you?

Why or why not?

I’ve never cheated on anyone or, to the best of my knowledge, been cheated on, so I have a pretty inexperienced perspective on this.

Here’s how it usually goes back and forth in my head…

If a girl is going to cheat, she’s going to cheat. It can either be with you or some other guy, so it might as well be with you.

Just because something is inevitable doesn’t mean you should partake in it. Weapons manufacturers could use the same flawed reasoning to defend what they do: “Hey, someone’s going to make and profit from weapons that kill innocent people around the world, so it might as well be us.”

Nobody dies from adultery though.

Why would you want to be with the type of girl who would cheat on her husband anyway?

Long-term, I wouldn’t. But if I’m just looking for a fun, short-term relationship, then I’m not very concerned about how loyal the girl is.

What if you knew her husband or boyfriend?

That would change things. Because then I feel like I’d be going behind his back, too. So I wouldn’t do it.

Aren’t you worried about a husband or boyfriend discovering the affair and coming after you?

Yeah, that’s a bit of a concern. I find it weird though that jilted boyfriends/husbands get pissed at the other guy, especially if he’s a stranger. If my wife cheated on me, I’d be pissed at HER, not the dude she was banging.

The bottom line for me is this: Cheating is wrong, because you’re going behind the back of someone you made a commitment to. And if you’re the other guy, hooking up with a married woman, you’re essentially condoning cheating.

Hard to argue with that. Let’s see what the readers have to say about all this in the comments.