by Niall Doherty


I try think no thoughts in an old church before collecting my bike where it slept and heading towards the first dam ever built in this town. They celebrate the national flower today, covering the square with two-hundred-thousand of them, free for anyone to pluck. I’ll get five for myself and make some new friends and go eat waffle fries.


The urge to self-sabotage grows stronger as I get closer to launch. Aimed to have an early night last night but sat on the couch until 3am watching shitty YouTube clips and eating crap I wasn’t hungry for. Why is it so hard to do the things we know are good for us? At the bottom of it all, I wonder if I really feel deserving of the success I seek.


Chatting with a friend about online business. He’s been pulling in $7k/month from his content biz, and tells me about a travel blogger making $3k/month minimum from affiliate programs. So much money out there to be claimed. Really, the hardest thing is staying focused long enough to break through and reap the rewards.


Decided to push the launch date back a week. I could probably get enough done by the 29th to launch as planned, but it would be too rushed. Finances will be tight, but I’d rather take my time and get everything dialed in good and proper. Started on styling work today. It’s all coming together nicely.


Changing up the pricing now too after feedback from my copywriter. I was planning to charge €297 up front for three months, and then €30/month thereafter. But that’s confusing, gives people pause. Either do a one-time upfront fee or simple monthly pricing. So we’re rolling with the latter. €97/month (including VAT, so everyone pays the same).

Tulip festival in Amsterdam.

Tulip festival in Amsterdam.


Started hardcore into recording the course videos today. Was going to head out to a Bollywood dance meetup this eve but it’s crunch time right now so sacrifices have to be made. Recorded and edited 15 videos in total — more than two hours’ worth of content — but I still have about 50 more to do before launch.


On a date talking about gay assholes. She tells me the Egyptian army has recruits drop trou so they can inspect the rect and ensure they’re not gay. Because apparently you can tell just by looking and homosexuals make ineffective soldiers. She also tells me about Egypt’s first gay wedding two years back, the arrests made and the outrage caused.


Worst cheat day ever. As in, I didn’t go nuts and throw a ridiculous amount of unhealthy fare at my face. Last week’s binge left me feeling low, so trying to do things a little differently now, pausing to acknowledge the desire for distraction and destruction, allowing myself to feel and process whatever pain is there. Tara Brach has been helpful.


I weave around Vondelpark in the drizzle for a bit, looking for a spot to record a video, end up propping against a gate leading to a bandstand in a lake. Two women nearby are teaching a third how to ride a bicycle, and there’s birdsong in the air. I slept log-like last night and felt no hunger this morning. All is patient, all is kind.


Someone asked if I script or rehearse my videos. I always try do them in one take and roll with any fumbled words or lost trains of thought. Many people post heavily-edited vlogs online and they look slick and everything, but a) all that editing seems like a lot of work, and b) you don’t get a sense of what that person is really like, seeing only their highlights.

Salsa party.

Salsa party.


Sucked it up and got 17 videos finished yesterday. That’s the bulk of them done for the course now, more than eleven hours’ worth. Feeling good about the content overall. The course is solid. It has the potential to help a lot of people. Now to focus on the marketing side of things. I know I can create value, but communicating it is a whole other challenge.


On the way to salsa class, telling her I’ve been sleeping well of late. Surprisingly. Usually when it’s crunch time with the work stuff my mind won’t stop racing and I toss and turn for hours. But not so much this time around. I feel there’s more at stake with this launch than the last, yet I’m more at ease now than I was then.


Henry Rollins puts on a good show. Not sure which is more impressive, his head or his heart. One thing that sticks with me is his age, mentions he’ll be turning 55 this year. That’s 21 ahead of me. Two decades and change, and he’s still got plenty in the tank. We’ve got so much living left to do, so much more to experience. Lucky us.


Got up this morning, went to my magic notebook, and within sixty seconds was listening to a random song that had come to mind. Then I retrieved some food items from my refrigeration machine, cooked them in my electromagnetic radiation box, and ate while watching the world’s most famous astrophysicist unravel the mysteries of space and time.


I usually spend about €400/month on food. This month I’ve spent less than €300. Cutting way back on meat has probably helped, but also I’m getting better at listening to my body and only eating when truly hungry. Tonight, for example, I came home late with snacking in mind, but stopped and listened and went to bed content without eating.


Alright, there it is: the course is launched. I’m guiding everyone through a free email series first to give them a good taste of what’s on offer, rather than beating them over the head with a sales pitch. But anyone eager to get started can buy into the course as of now. Should be an interesting week seeing how the sales go.

View leaving the gym at 7:35am

View leaving the gym at 7:35am

In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?

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