Spanish lesson with a guy in Venezuela, via Skype. Forty minutes we talk. He’s a trained engineer, but inflation is so out of control there that he’s better off teaching Spanish online, pulling in $800/month compared to $50/month for his average countryman. He’s doing a run to the Colombian border this weekend, can buy rice there at a third the price.
Doing a presentation and two workshops in a couple of weeks at the co-working space here in Puerto de la Cruz. And yesterday I landed a spot as a speaker at Nomad City next month. I’ll be up in front of 100+ people at the latter, easily the biggest crowd I’ll have addressed. As per Psycho-Cybernetics, I’ve started practicing positive visualization.
A friend told me recently that the girl he was dating criticized him for crying. Second time he cried in front of her, she told him she never wanted to see that again. In her world, men aren’t supposed to cry. Well fuck that. In my world, a man who cries is a man who expresses himself freely. He’s healthy and alive and experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions. It’s your life, dude; cry when you want to. It’s not your tears that need to go, it’s the people who have a problem with them.
Trying to be more conscious of my thinking when I’m doing things like walking to the supermarket, washing the dishes, taking a shower. How can I use that thinking time more effectively? What problems can I work on solving? What visualizations can I practice? Not that letting the mind wander is a bad thing. But ideally it would be a conscious choice, not a random occurrence.
Cheat day. Didn’t have one last week because I didn’t earn it. Making up for it now. Maybe too much. As a friend said to me recently, why is junk food seen as a treat or reward anyway? It tastes good in the moment, sure, but you feel like shit soon after. Wrecked tired this evening and all that crap I put in my body surely had something to do with it.
Back in college I ran into a blind pick during a basketball game and fractured my eye socket. At home that night I tried to blow my nose and a big bag under my eye inflated with snot. Disgusting, I know. That was twelve years ago, but I still feel the fracture sometimes, especially when swimming. Water gets up my nose and seeps in behind my eye. Probably not a good thing.
A year ago in Amsterdam I saw a guy get up on stage and tell a story about his nine “friends with benefits.” Which would have been very inappropriate and in poor taste, except for the fact that he was gay. Interesting though, right? A straight guy telling that story would be labeled a dick. A straight woman telling that story would be labeled a slut. But when the teller is gay, it’s all okay.
You stand in the shower, avoiding the water, waiting for it to get warm, even though you know there’s no hot water and it’ll stay cold no matter how long you wait. But you wait a while anyway. And then you say fuck it and duck your head under and it’s shocking at first but then you get used to it and it’s not as bad as you thought it would be.
The thing that disheartens me most about Trump becoming US president isn’t the man himself. It’s his supporters. To be sure, not all of them are small-minded, misogynistic, xenophobic racists, but seems to me that all the small-minded, misogynistic, xenophobic racists voted for him. Now that their man won, they’ll be emboldened, hateful beliefs justified.
Been thinking of a night in Kathmandu a few years back, walking home from the cinema having seen The Dark Knight Rises. I felt a sense of urgency, responsibility, like I needed to do more, be better. Because there are people in this world – real-life Banes – working hard to bully and destroy and separate. We need more real-life Batmans to counter them.
Moved apartment yesterday, subletting a nice place from some friends now. Have it all to myself, with a shared pool in the middle of the complex. I’m still not a great swimmer, working at it. Gonna try get in there every day for the next few weeks, battle through the pain period.
Worst day I’ve had in a while, sitting around the apartment, Netflix bingeing, eating shit. Told myself I wouldn’t fall into that today, but did anyway. Maybe I need days like this every so often. Or maybe it’s self-sabotage, feeling unworthy and undeserving at some fundamental level. I don’t know. Will try again tomorrow.
I wonder if it’s a good thing to be living alone again. Having roommates the past couple of weeks motivated me to stay active, forced me to be social. Too easy while living alone to laze on the couch and not interact with anyone, for hours or even days at a stretch.
Bouncing back strong today, as I usually do. Solid few hours of work, a coaching call, hour-long Spanish class on Skype, great progress in the pool, finished editing a video, and been fasting since breakfast. Shouldn’t need to scrape bottom first though to rock days like this.
About thirty people showed up for my presentation this evening at Coworking in the Sun. Went well. Really thankful for the speaking practice I’ve had over the years. Toastmasters of course, the few times I’ve tried stand-up and improv, the many podcast interviews and videos I’ve done. All added up to keep the quiver out of my voice.
In the comments below, let me know which of the above Momentos is your favorite. Which can you relate to?